Shame....A virtue long lost!

Surprising isn't it that shame can be a virtue after all. But shame here is not as in getting shame, but, shame as in feeling shamefulness on a wrong doing. Shamefulness is actually a virtue even for the least virtuous person alive.

Recently the whole world saw Mumbai held ransom, Mumbai helpless, Mumbai fighting, Mumbai reacting, Mumbai angry and above all Mumbai demanding answers. What we also saw was shameless people everywhere. Shameless police waiting for NSG to interfere in the most horrid terrorist attack on Mumbai. Shameless Shivraj Patil quietly resigning without having to account for the terrorist attack. As if he sacrificed so much for the country by giving up his post. Shameless Narayan Rane, just days after the attack, threatening to bring down the government on not becoming the chief minister. Shameless Mukhtar Abbas Naqvi comparing the angry Mumbaikars to terrorists in J&K. Shameless media flaunting only anger and violence in our faces. Shameless A.R.Antulay suggesting that ATS chief Hemant Karkare's death was a conspiracy of some kind. And again that same shameless A.R. Antulay defiant about his statement causing an uproar. And yet again that same shameless Antulay going back on his words when his ministerial position was at stake.

And recently our shameless neighbour denying that Qasab(the lone caught-alive terrorist) is a Pakistani, when Qasab has admitted to it, his parents have and the whole world has proved that he is a Pakistani. Shameless Pakistan yet again saying that proofs, sent by India to prove Pakistanis are involved in the attacks, are insufficient.

And most recently the shameless Mayawati saying her party had nothing to do with the PWD engineer's death regarding collection of donations for her 'Birthday Celebrations'. Yet the shameless Mayawati goes on to celebrate her Birthday as 'virodhi party dhikkar diwas'(down with opposition day).

Above all the shameless we, who take in all this and sit tight-lipped, so nice and cosy. Other than writing and speaking a few words here and there, we do nothing.

God knows when(?) the whole world...all of us, will learn to stand upright on OUR OWN backbones, accept the responsibilities of our doings and at least feel shameful for what we have done.

Happy Diwali!!

Happy Diwali to all my friends out there. For most of the people in India, Diwali is a festival everyone looks forward to and so do I. It is a major festival of the year. This Diwali in UK here was very good. At least we got the feeling of Indian Diwali to a large extent. My son was very excited on doing "decorations" for Diwali. We had a gathering planned for some friends and we had a surprise visit from few more friends. It was actually full of fun and excitement with sweets flowing in.

The surprise factor of friends meeting each other on Diwali makes it more special. I feel, the growing advancement of technology has filled life with more of inhibitions than convenience. One particular thing that I not so like is visiting friends by appointment. The sophistication of our lives tempts us to call in advance to meet each other. But it cannot match the joy of meeting without purpose and without appointment. The technological revolution has brought people apart I feel, rather than bring them close.

Being away from home(India) also makes us slog for the Indian sweets. I found that everyone here has put in enormous effort to make some or the other Indian sweet. And homemade sweet has never been valued more I guess. It was fun exchanging each others' handmade sweets. When we were young all sweets were made at home. At that time we valued the sweets purchased from markets more. And now when most of us can afford readymade sweets, home made sweets have become so precious.

All in all it couldn't have been better. A wonderful and memorable Diwali!!

THE KITE RUNNER

Recently I got a chance to read "The Kite Runner" by Khaled Hosseini. And I must say the book is brilliant. A very good book in a long time.

The story is set in the pre-Talibani Afghanistan and touches many issues together. It gives a glimpse of the Afghani culture in their happy days, the invasion of Soviet, the Taliban rule and also a very personal and emotional issue of friednship. The Taliban attrocities will surely make you scream with frustration.

The story of two friends Aamir and Hassan is very moving. The undying love of Hassan for his friend makes me cry. Hassan there is so innocent and pure that he actually presents you with an aspect of uncoditional love which I find hard to imagine. Then the redemption of Amir for his sins is also very touching. It actually presents the meaning of commitment in a new light. Unconditional commitment...pure 100% love. Makes me feel very small for the level of my love and commitment.

There is a very good conversation of Amir and his father(Baba) about sin which gives us some food for thought. I couldn't resist putting it down for long keeps:

Baba said, "No matter what the mullah teaches, there is only one sin, only one. And that is theft. Every other sin is a variation of theft. do you understand that?"
"When you kill a man, you steal a life, You steal his wife's right to a husband, rob his children of a father. When you tell a lie, you steal someone's right to the truth. When you cheat, you steal the right to fairness."
" There is no act more wretched than stealing, Amir," Baba said. A man who takes what's not his to take, be it a life or a loaf of naan...I .....".

As my husband also says that taking more than your rightful share is a sin and multiplies and comes back to us. Maybe it needs a deeper pondering afterall!

If it is actually fiction then it is the work of a genius. But even if a small percentage of it is true then it is very moving. A must read book.

Back to blogging!!

Kids are back to school after a long and hectic summer vaccation and for the same reason I am back to blogging. I hope I will sustain the writing;-))

Summer vaccation in UK was good. Had some very nice visits to beaches, amusement parks, sea life park, safari and above all Scotland. Scotland was real good and can be described mostly as a driving tour. But definitely one of the best in a long time. God! what a gift Scotland is to UK. Looking at all the sheep in Scotland couldn't help remembering my friend meaaaooowww's blog on Scotland that too several times. You can read it here: http://srobs101.blogspot.com/2008/03/look-sheep

My little daughter has also joined a playgroup;something that can be associated to a school. So now we both are having first-time-at-school blues! she cannot stop being petrified of the school and I cannot stop getting (over)reactive. But things are beginning to smoothen out a bit.

That was the summary of my life so far; as if anyone bothers to miss my writing.

I hope more of my blogs pour in, like the rain in UK and so do readers' comments;-))

Gold for India at Olympics!!

Today the morning was really a good one that kick started with the news of Indian shooter Abhinav Bindra winning a Gold medal for India. A gold medal for the country in 28 years and a first individual one in the 80 years of Indian Olympic history. He is a real hero. And there’s a valid reason to celebrate as well.

At last the face of India is changing in the Olympics. At last we can see something beyond cricket and bollywood. Thankfully there are people we know other than Tendulkar and Amitabh Bachhan. I am not against cricket or bollywood but the craze over it drives me crazy.

But it is still so painful that a country populated by 100 crores can produce only one gold medallist in 28 years. The reasons could be varied. We just gained our independence only a few years ago. The progress path has been difficult. We still feel it is better to have a career which guarantees a steady flow of income rather than that which your heart desires. Sports are still considered a part time hobby or recreation and not a full time career.

Let there be a cricket match and the whole country seems to be under a curfew. Most people won’t watch even an international hockey match of India but yes, local cricket match (read IPL) makes great business.

Hope that Sania Mirza, Vishwanathan Anand, Rajyavardhan Rathore and above all Abhinav Bindra can break us free from this mental slavery. KUDOS !!

Near Drowning Experience!!

Since quite a few weeks now, I have been trying to learn swimming with the help of friends. I have been frequenting a nearby swimming pool club. I knew a few basics but hadn’t practised since long. With the excuse of taking kids to swim and have fun I tried taking up swimming on my own from where I had left a few years ago. Initially it was difficult but gradually I was able to do it. Now since a few days I was able to go to the deep waters and swim a couple of laps with comfort. Still a small fear or rather a caution was always on my mind. Today I was very confident of myself and swam quite well for about half an hour. Then suddenly something happened and I got panicky in the water. As soon as the panic came ,I lost control of my movements. I forgot all hand and leg movements and all breathing instructions I had got so many times from friends. Within seconds I realised I was beginning to drown. A friend was nearby, who herself is a learner and I called her to help me. All I was looking for was a small support to take control of my swimming movements. Usually I don’t stray too much away from the wall. But this time, to make matters worse I was way too away from any kind of support. The friend who came to help me tried to grab me from the waist thinking she would be able to pull me out. But I was trying to hold her shoulder to get some support. The impact of this whole thing was that I was going down deeper and deeper into the water and pushing my friend also down. The whole process resulted in both of us drowning. Finally she let go off me and took to a wall for support. I started shouting for help whenever my body rose up onto the surface of water. The compounded panic made me forget all the actions and movements of swimming. My senses were totally at loss. At that time my mind understood only one thing and that was FEAR. But thank God and that angel-like life guard who acted promptly and saved me in time. She took me out of water and made me sit on the shore. It took me quite a few minutes to calm down and regain normalcy. I was shaking with fright. With lots of instructions from the various life guards around I returned home. This must be a life time experience for me…..a drowning one.

Since then some thoughts have been troubling me. I am neither afraid of the incident nor has it daunted me away from going tomorrow to swim. But the whole scene doesn’t go away from my mind. I can very well remember my condition and the thoughts that were racing through my mind. Thinking of it now, I wonder how several days of practice were lost in that particular moment. I guess more than swimming with my body I swim with my mind. If my mind gets distracted I forget swimming. What tricky games the mind plays!

The whole body and its actions, my life, all are in control of the mind. And in a flash of a moment the mind can become a slave of just one small thing FEAR. Fear is not a good thing I believe. It can keep you away from everything….progress, success, God…..just anything and everything. And yet I became a slave of fear. What is this life if it is controlled by fear? I say not only about swimming but everything in life. We can call ourselves modern and free…yet we are all slaves of fear. Fear can force us to lie, steal, kill, and even die of our own accord. So aren’t we all slaves of this fear? Several hours have passed since this incident, but my mind keeps on thinking about it. I feel ashamed of myself for feeling fear or rather for becoming a slave of fear. How can I call myself free if I am still under the control of fear? I cannot but help remember a few lines of Shri Rabindranath Tagore. He said them for the country but today they are equally true for me as well. Quote:
“Where the mind is without Fear
And the head is held high
Into that heaven of freedom my Father
Let my country awake!”

Rain Rain Go Away!

I am writing after a long time and that too to vent out some of my depression. It has been raining continuously since morning and I feel very depressed. There are many more factors of this depression. My kids are sick. My husband is too busy at work to talk to me. I am struggling alone with cranky kids and also with this horribly depressing day.

I wonder how weather can play an important role in lifting or sinking your moods. I remember a few months back also my kids fell ill and it was a bright sunny day with very warm temperatures. My hubby also took half a day off from work to help me through that time. And I didn’t feel so depressed that time. Also my kids have the tendency to fall sick together. My older one brings infections from school and passes them on to my younger one too.

As for today I feel everything is so dark and gloomy. It is actually dark outside because of cloudy skies and also within because of sickness in the home. I too have begun feeling sick now. But I know that it is only a matter of perception. If I begin to look at bright things I am sure I will enjoy the day as well. To start with I should be thankful that both the kids are cooperating so well. They could have thrown some more tantrums to make my life seem like a torture. Also when my husband comes home, he is a great help with kids.

Still this depression will go only once the bright sun shines down through my window and when my kids are up and running around the house again. Till then I can only say "Rain rain go away, Come again another day"!!