Forgive and forget!

Today I was having a chat with my friend and she made a statement that she doesn’t forget easily if anyone does any wrong to her. I was wondering if it isn’t the case with all of us! I admire her sincerity and courage that she could openly accept this in front of others. While I have seen people who won’t even admit this to themselves . Why is it so difficult to forget when we are wronged by someone? What good does it do to our own being when we harbour hatred in our hearts?

This topic reminds me of a talk show by Oprah Winfrey. It was all about forgiving and forgetting. There was an elderly couple on the show whose only son had been killed in a motor accident. The driver had been caught and was serving his punishment in prison. Yet this couple could not find peace. Their only hope of life had been taken away; which they could not forget. Day in and day out they were leading a life as bad as hell. Their emotions were a mix of grief, disgust, anger, helplessness and hatred. No amount of sessions at the church or anger management classes helped. Then one particular therapy helped. After this therapy they decided to meet the killer face-to-face in prison. And upon meeting, they said the most difficult and most unexpected three words to him “we forgive you”. After this they were as peaceful as never before.

I feel that when we try to forget any thing wrong done to us, it is actually the beginning of harbouring negative feelings for the wrong doer. We are postponing the revenge for a later date. Whenever similar incident will occur in future or we come face to face with that person again, all the hatred and negative feelings will come to the fore. When we forgive, we let go off all our negativities. When we say that we have forgotten, we actually are thinking that we are doing a favour to the wrong doer. But when we forgive we are doing it for our own self. Forgiving does not mean that we have to buy presents for or have dinner with our wrong doer, it only means that we are getting him/her out of our own system. Forgetting means we are attaching enough value to that person to ruin our life, even in his/her absence. But forgiving means driving him/her out of our whole life. We don’t have to think of that person or of that incident. We just have to carry on with our life as usual. If we forgive from the bottom of our heart we never will even want to talk about it. Believe me, I have known the difference myself, by trying to forgive. Forgiving has given me the control of my life back in my hands. No one else can make me sad when what I deserve is happiness.

Just try it out!!