Near Drowning Experience!!

Since quite a few weeks now, I have been trying to learn swimming with the help of friends. I have been frequenting a nearby swimming pool club. I knew a few basics but hadn’t practised since long. With the excuse of taking kids to swim and have fun I tried taking up swimming on my own from where I had left a few years ago. Initially it was difficult but gradually I was able to do it. Now since a few days I was able to go to the deep waters and swim a couple of laps with comfort. Still a small fear or rather a caution was always on my mind. Today I was very confident of myself and swam quite well for about half an hour. Then suddenly something happened and I got panicky in the water. As soon as the panic came ,I lost control of my movements. I forgot all hand and leg movements and all breathing instructions I had got so many times from friends. Within seconds I realised I was beginning to drown. A friend was nearby, who herself is a learner and I called her to help me. All I was looking for was a small support to take control of my swimming movements. Usually I don’t stray too much away from the wall. But this time, to make matters worse I was way too away from any kind of support. The friend who came to help me tried to grab me from the waist thinking she would be able to pull me out. But I was trying to hold her shoulder to get some support. The impact of this whole thing was that I was going down deeper and deeper into the water and pushing my friend also down. The whole process resulted in both of us drowning. Finally she let go off me and took to a wall for support. I started shouting for help whenever my body rose up onto the surface of water. The compounded panic made me forget all the actions and movements of swimming. My senses were totally at loss. At that time my mind understood only one thing and that was FEAR. But thank God and that angel-like life guard who acted promptly and saved me in time. She took me out of water and made me sit on the shore. It took me quite a few minutes to calm down and regain normalcy. I was shaking with fright. With lots of instructions from the various life guards around I returned home. This must be a life time experience for me…..a drowning one.

Since then some thoughts have been troubling me. I am neither afraid of the incident nor has it daunted me away from going tomorrow to swim. But the whole scene doesn’t go away from my mind. I can very well remember my condition and the thoughts that were racing through my mind. Thinking of it now, I wonder how several days of practice were lost in that particular moment. I guess more than swimming with my body I swim with my mind. If my mind gets distracted I forget swimming. What tricky games the mind plays!

The whole body and its actions, my life, all are in control of the mind. And in a flash of a moment the mind can become a slave of just one small thing FEAR. Fear is not a good thing I believe. It can keep you away from everything….progress, success, God…..just anything and everything. And yet I became a slave of fear. What is this life if it is controlled by fear? I say not only about swimming but everything in life. We can call ourselves modern and free…yet we are all slaves of fear. Fear can force us to lie, steal, kill, and even die of our own accord. So aren’t we all slaves of this fear? Several hours have passed since this incident, but my mind keeps on thinking about it. I feel ashamed of myself for feeling fear or rather for becoming a slave of fear. How can I call myself free if I am still under the control of fear? I cannot but help remember a few lines of Shri Rabindranath Tagore. He said them for the country but today they are equally true for me as well. Quote:
“Where the mind is without Fear
And the head is held high
Into that heaven of freedom my Father
Let my country awake!”

Rain Rain Go Away!

I am writing after a long time and that too to vent out some of my depression. It has been raining continuously since morning and I feel very depressed. There are many more factors of this depression. My kids are sick. My husband is too busy at work to talk to me. I am struggling alone with cranky kids and also with this horribly depressing day.

I wonder how weather can play an important role in lifting or sinking your moods. I remember a few months back also my kids fell ill and it was a bright sunny day with very warm temperatures. My hubby also took half a day off from work to help me through that time. And I didn’t feel so depressed that time. Also my kids have the tendency to fall sick together. My older one brings infections from school and passes them on to my younger one too.

As for today I feel everything is so dark and gloomy. It is actually dark outside because of cloudy skies and also within because of sickness in the home. I too have begun feeling sick now. But I know that it is only a matter of perception. If I begin to look at bright things I am sure I will enjoy the day as well. To start with I should be thankful that both the kids are cooperating so well. They could have thrown some more tantrums to make my life seem like a torture. Also when my husband comes home, he is a great help with kids.

Still this depression will go only once the bright sun shines down through my window and when my kids are up and running around the house again. Till then I can only say "Rain rain go away, Come again another day"!!